All I Do I Wanna Do With You
by iheartdepp
Summary: First ever constantine fic. Hope this is welcomed even though I haven't seen this fandom here yet. Not betaed, so bear with me. Postmovie. Balthazar comes back to get revenge for himself, but learns that he can't destroy the one he cares for.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One  
**

Disclaimer: Don't own shizza. So no suing, hm?

He stepped out inhaling the chill air. It was good to be back. But feeling good didn't stop the fact that he was also feeling very much the part of the angered demon. Sure, it was the normal reaction. He was sent on a mission, and he accompolished it. He brought the girl exactly where Lu wanted her. The only thing that went wrong was that goddamned exorcist interfering and therefore destroying the whole plan. And what did the boss do?

Banish him, destroy him. He was never to return to Hell, but yet here he was.

Balthazar's lips formed a smirk as he stared out the window of the cab. Lu had offered him a choice: either he went back and kill the one who interrupted one of the most well-developed plans Satan had ever thought up, or eternal torture and pain. He of course chose the latter.

Consequently, Balthazar wasn't looking for a way to totally piss off the Devil so he did as he was told.

"Kill him," Lucifer had said, "and you'll redeem yourself to the fullest extent". Balthazar was gasping for air, his demon form having been beaten and bruised from the torture he had endured the moment he got back from Earth. He smiled and looked up into Lu's glaring face.

"My pleasure," he replied, looking forward to seeing the lovely exorcist again. This time he planned to not only get Lu's revenge, but also his own.

John Constantine was the reason why he had to go back to a pissed off Demon King and endure the punishment of torture for what seemed like an eternity. He was going to enjoy watching Johnny-boy suffer and writhe. He chuckled to himself as the cab driver pulled up to John's apartment complex. 

"This is it. Would you like me to come back or are you staying for some time," the driver asked the demon. Balthazar looked at him and sighed contently.

"I'm afraid I'm going to stay, but thank you," he replied with a slight smile, the cabbie nodded.

"No problem, just make sure to call if you need another ride," he said handing Balthazar a service card. He looked it over and placed it in his coat pocket.

"Thank you, you'll probably hear from me again," he said and got out of the car. He looked at the tall building, a smirk forming again. As soon as he heard the cab leave he started walking toward it.

_Now what was Johnny Boy's room number again?   
_

---------------------------------------

Balthazar knew this was going to surprise Johnny very much, and he couldn't wait to see the look on his face. Balthazar walked smoothly down the hallways, glancing at the room numbers until finally he reached number 213-- John Constantine's home until he could afford a proper house somewhere far from the city.

"Ah," he said with a smirk, "there you are. "

He peered into the eye-hole and looked around inconspicuously. Unsurprisingly, it seemed no one was there; John was probably out exorcising some more little girls. He smiled and leaned back, smoothly looking around then deciding now was the right time to go inside and make himself comfortable. Balthazar walked through the door just as any coniving demon would, and walked through the small apartment.

He saw the living room first in it's trashy state: cigarette butts in a near-by trashcan, an old center table with coffee stained mugs littering it, and an antique looking couch propped against the wall. _How distasteful, _he thought and moved on. He decided John's bedroom was next , considering how the "living room" looked, he was scared to go in the kitchen. Balthazar walked into his room and his lips curled into a smile. The room was _much_ different then the rest of the apartment.

It was tidy.

The bed was made, comforter matching the sheets, a bedside night table with a classy lamp on top, a furnished wood drawer towering in the corner, and a neat closet that had all of John's suit and tie combinations. The demon almost laughed, and walked over to the closet. He touched the fabrics, subconciously inhaling John's scent which seemed to almost come to life. The smell of smoke and musk, and the faint odor of something like detergent, filled his nostrils making his eyes roll back slightly.

He shook it off of himself, awkwardly shutting the closet door. There was no way the exorcist's clothes were having an effect on him. Balthazar decided he wasn't going to dwell on it and climbed in the large bed. As he layed back into it he sighed contently, for a moment not worrying about how or when he was going to punish the ol' bastard for making his life literally Hell.

John threw his coat on the couch in disgust. How could they not pay him? It was ridiculous how much work he did for nothing. It was common for the families to complain about not having the money and all of that other shit, but now it was really starting to get on his last nerves. Sure, he sounded like an asshole for thinking it but this was his job, his life. It was a disappointment to not get anything in return for his good deeds. As usual.

He sighed, laying on the couch and lighting another smoke. Exhaling the smoke he thought some more.

Maybe God's plan was to just make him suffer some more on Earth, you know, because suicide was probably not a good idea of getting God to smile down on you. He ran a hand absentmindedly through his hair, closing his eyes and exhaling yet another contemplative thought. Whatever it was, life was never going be easy until the time came to have his just reward: eternal life in Heaven. John put his cigarette out in the ashtray next to him, and felt a smile creep into his face. _'That is going to be so fucking wonderful', _he thought, and started to drift into sleep, letting his exhaustion take over.

"Hello, darling."

John shot up, body poised for attack.

"Miss me? Cause I have certainly missed that, " Balthazar said, motioning to John's shocked and angered face. _How? When, _John thought almost growling in rage.

"Balthazar, " and the demon raised an eyebrow in response, "what the **fuck**? "

Balthazar chuckled in amusement. Johnny was so good at frustration. Balthazar opened his mouth to reply, but John was far from over.

"What the fucking hell are you doing in my apartment? You're... ," he sighed in aggravation, "supposed to be dead. I killed you. I...," he scratched his head in confusion, anger never leaving his features, and Balthazar was enjoying every single minute.

"I thought I did. But how..?" he asked himself more than the demon. Balthazar laughed finally tearing the mood from confusion to being completely pissed.

"Johnny, please," he said with an innocent smile, "let's cut the why's and how's and get down to the real reason I'm here. Mkay? " he asked mockingly.

John glared, and started to feel his anger rise to a dangerous level. His fists clenched and unclenched as Balthazar sat down, crossed his legs, straightened his nice pants out, and motioned to the couch but John just fixed an angry stare.

"The reason for the _amiable_ visit is that you ruined Lu's plans which you knew of course. And so, for that, I'm here to... ," he stopped short noticing the exorcist's eyes narrow in even more anger at the mere mention of his Master's name. Balthazar smirked. Oh, how he loved to watch John squirm. "I'm here to, well... I'm here to kill you. "

After those words were said John's reaction was the strangest thing Balthazar had seen. He started to laugh.

"Why are you laughing? Stop it, " Balthazar told him, but John was heaving with laughter. The demon looked at him glaringly, already getting tired of hearing it. Finally the exorcist stopped laughing, and sat down exhaling a relieving sigh, trying to get his energy back.

"That... ," John said with a hint of smirk in his face, " was funny. I have to say, for a demon you're fucking hilarious. I bet you didn't even know that, did you? " Balthazar just stared. Did this exorcist think he was serious? The demon hissed in anger standing up. 

"Are you shitting me? You think I'm joking," he said angrily, his eyes going dangerously dark. "I'm here to _destroy_ you John, and I'm not leaving until I do."

"No, no, I'm sorry, " John said, an amused expression on his face, "I don't think your orders were right."

"And why do you say that? "

"Because if that asshole Lucifer had any fucking common sense, he would know that you're the last one he should ever send for 'revenge missions'. You're weak, _Bally_. We all know this. "

Balthazar's face flared in anger as he lunged at the exorcist's throat. He pinned John's arms above his head on the floor and growled.

"You have no idea who you're talking to, Johnny ", he whispered harshly against John's neck, making John struggle slightly. "Now I have you here, on the floor, helpless. " He saw John clench his teeth in anger and tried to free the demon's grip but he was failing. Balthazar smiled, his eyes roaming over John's straining face, which finally gave up and he could see those brown eyes open and stare back. Was that defeat in his eyes?

"Whose weak now, darling? " he murmured, John flinching at his term of endearment.

"Get the fuck off of me, or I'll deport your sorry ass back-"

" -to hell. I know " the demon nodded, " bloody hell, you need to come up with a new catchphrase. It's starting to get old. " John just glared. 

"Don't tell me what to fucking do, you goddamn half-breed. Let me go or else...," he said threateningly, but Balthazar only chuckled.

"Johnny, can we cut the tough act? We've known each other for over 14 years. We both knew it was going to end this way," John gave him a questioning look. 

"What are you talking about now," he asked the demon. Balthazar sighed with irritation. 

"Shit, you're dumb for an exorcist," he mumbled to himself, and John struggled against him again in anger. "Stop it. Now, what I meant to say was we knew we'd end up here. Either of us killing the other. In some death match or whatever you fucking humans call it. It's inevitable, " he tightened his grip on John's wrist, exhaling another hot breath on John's pale neck, making the exorcist shiver and turn his head away to try and hide it.

Balthazar then noticed their position. His legs on either side of John, the exorcist's arms above his head held there by his own, his breath ghosting over the lovely face that was... wait, lovely? There was that burning feeling he felt again. It made his heart beat faster and he could almost feel the same coming from John. His eyes shut as he sniffed the air, smelling John's scent encircle him. It was fear, and anger, and... arousal? Balthazar's eyes shot open hearing John say something to him.

"Get off, you shit! Jesus," he was straining against him. Balthazar wanted to point and laugh desperately now. John was aroused by all of this!

It was very easy to see why; being on the floor on top of him, whispering against the exorcist's ear, crotch faintly brushing against his own, the heat which surrounded their bodies. He noticed all of these things. Was this why the exorcist hated him so much? Was the hate stemmed from pure attraction and consuming lust?

He felt a chuckle escape. After realizing that they both liked the 'relationship' they shared, he decided now was a good time to play with Johnny. He licked his lips, and felt John stiffen under him. Literally. Balthazar wanted to laugh out loud and moan John's name. 

"I see you're thinking of your lady friend, again," the demon said with a lusty smile, "Tsk, tsk, Johnny. All excited underneath me. " John's eyes widened and he tried his escape again. Balthazar got even closer to John's confused face, and with his tounge licked his cheek, feeling the stubble-roughened skin shiver.

"Balthazar-"

"No," the demon said pulling back, "please. "

John stopped, but looked even more confused. Balthazar's eyes roamed over his face again, his breaths coming a little faster now, his mind fleeing and his body taking over. This wasn't revenge anymore. The demons logic had left him as soon as he stepped into the apartment and human side had triumphed.

Fuck Lu and double fuck redemption. John was under him, aroused, and so was he. Oh, now he knew why pants tightened. Whatever. He was here, now, and all he wanted was the exorcist. Every.. single.. part.

"I wasn't thinking of her, " John said lowly, eyes cast down causing the demon's eyes to focus on John's lips, "It was you...Always you. "

And John's lips crashed to his, without any more thought or words. Lips tasted and nipped at each other. Balthazar's eyes rolled back and he thought he had finally lost it. Any protests left as soon as John's lips opened and his tounge started to fuck deeply into the demon's mouth. Moans ripped through Balthazar's throat, and he kissed him back just as hard. It was like that for a few minutes until John pulled back, small gasps leaving his lips.

"More," Balthazar said lowly, nuzzling John's neck, and leaving small harsh kisses on his throat. John moaned and panted. "Don't tease me, John, I know you too well," he growled.

"Then you've known that I've wanted you," the exorcist's voice coming out lust-filled, " all this time. I've known it, maybe never wanted to admit it, but I knew. Fuck, I knew. " The demon moaned, trying to get more physical contact by grinding his hips down. John gasped, and flipped their positions.

"Question is," he said licking his own lips this time, "do you want me? " Balthazar was writhing impatiently now. He wanted to have a conversation now? He really was stupid.

"God fucking damn it, John, " he whimpered out, " don't make me beg you. "

John smiled. 

"Why not? I have every right to. You barge into my apartment, threaten to _destroy _me, for your own benefit might I add, and you know that I want to fuck you senseless so you purposefully try to seduce me. So, beg me. Now," he said smugly with a knowing smirk on his face. Balthazar growled frustratedly. 

"You bastard, I didn't know you wanted this, I just noticed," he said angrily, which made his blood rush to his groin even more if it was possible. John looked at him in disbelief. 

"Sure," he said shrugging it off, "whatever. Just answer me. " His face lowered to the demon's and Balthazar whimpered again. How was it that this human was having such an effect on him? Either way, he was going to have him.

"Yes," Balthazar whispered, staring at John with the deepest voice he could muster, "I want you. Goddamn it, just fuck me already. Please, " he wanted to cry his arousal was so hard, straining against those blasphemous pants. John smiled.

"That's all I wanted, " he said, and in a quick motion captured Balthazar's lips once again. They kissed heatedly and before the demon knew what was going on John pulled him up without breaking their kiss. John pushed Balthazar on his couch and before Balthazar could protest against it John was back on his lips, then down to his neck.

"Oh God, John," the demon hissed. John licked down his flesh which was set aflame as soon as the lips touched skin.

"No time for talking," the exorcist replied, and started grinding his hips down while trying to undo Balthazar's dress shirt. Where did his coat go? he thought as his moans elevated higher as John got lower. He looked over with half-lidded eyes and saw that it was somehow taken off at one point. John at that moment managed to get the demon's shirt open and attacked the flesh right away.

"Oh, Jesus, just take it off, shit," Balthazar moaned, sitting up and letting John pull it off of him. As soon as it was off, Balthazar did the same to John, unbuttoning then pulling it off. There were no words, John wanted it that way so that was the way it was going. Balthazar noticed how John looked at his naked torso and smiled, standing up he started pulling the belt buckle away, then finally pulling his pants and briefs down his body. John swallowed and felt his pants tighten so hard he was afraid they would explode. It was going to happen. He was going to fuck Balthazar.

"Are you going to stare all day or get on with it, love," the demon asked, a lusty glint in his eyes. John smiled back.

"Hmm, " John said, walking over to the demon and inspecting what he was going to have, "I'll get on with it alright. Just looking at you gets me so fucking hot. How am I not supposed to get on with it? " he whispered against Balthazar's shivering skin. The demon chuckled then faced him.

"Then," he said bluntly, "fuck me. Now. " he demanded lowly.

John's breath caught in his throat then pushed Balthazar back on the couch and attacked his neck. The demon gasped at the forceful impact and moaned when John started sucking on the spot underneath his earlobe. His cock was straining against John's jeans and before he could get up and completely undress him John stood up and quickly discarded them. _That takes care of that_, Balthazar thought and then was pushed back into the ecstasy that was John Constantine. Now they were fully bare against each other, the demon grinding up against John's cock then John grabbing his face and kissing him hard on the mouth. They stayed this way for awhile: kissing, tasting each other on the other's mouth, hips thrusting down on hips, moans ripping from both of their throats, sweat already forming, until Balthazar couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop, just...oh,please," he gasped as he pulled away from John's face, "John, just fuck me. I'm so fucking hard."

"Whatever you want, Bally," he panted lowly. He reached into the drawer next to the couch and pulled out some lube. Balthazar panted and watched as John slowly slicked himself up. He want to get fucked into the armrest of the couch. There was something deliciously hot about John and him, fucking in his apartment, on his couch, sweaty and completely immersed in ecstasy. It was going to be fan-fucking-tastic.

John parted his legs, then finding his hole, circled the ring of sensitive flesh. Balthazar gasped as the finger entered and started to work itself into him deeper; it was even better then he thought. There was the sting of pain at first, but John added another finger and the other and - oh, fireworks. The demon moaned as John hit his prostate with his index finger.

"Shit, fuck," he whimpered. He knew the exorcist was smirking that damned smug little smile when he had something up his sleeve. Or fucking demons, apparently. 

"Soon," John whispered against his ear, twisting his finger inside once more than pulling out, Balthazar letting out a gasp. "God you're so.. gorgeous like this. "

Balthazar wasn't thinking coherently but he wasn't for the compliments now. _Only the sex, please_ , he thought, 'endearments later. Maybe '. His lips crushed against John's and then they were moaning again. There wasn't time for thinking, because if they did, then this wouldn't be happening. It could end in an instant if there were moments. Moments of weakness. Balthazar didn't believe he had it in him to be weak. This is the way he wanted it. Hard, fast, loud, wreckless, hungry, and John. Just him, and the exorcist, fucking. Pure sex. It seemed Constantine had agreed with the demon. John grabbed a fistful of Balthazar's hair as he kissed him back hard. Balthazar pulled away, making John moan at the loss.

"I need you," Balthazar spoke harshly, " I need this. No more stalling. " John nodded and kissed his lips again. The exorcist fisted his cock again, getting ready to enter the demon. He wasn't sure if it was smart to just go ahead and fuck Balthazar, hardly prepared, but if he insisted upon it then he would go and indulge him. John moved over him, and pushed Balthazar completely on to his back. Rubbing his thighs apart once again, John took his hard cock and placed it over the opening, then hesitating pulled back. Balthazar growled and shoved himself on John's cock forcefully, making John groan out loud.

"God, you really didn't want to go slow, did you? " he said through a ragged breath. The demon panted, trying to get used to the invasion of his body. He shook his head.

" Just fuck me John, " he whispered, " that's all I want. " John grinned wickedly. 

"Okay, " he said pulling out slowly, then thrusting back hard. Balthazar gasped loudly. " Like that? " John panted out.

"Fuck, yes " the demon moaned out, the pain was subsiding and the pleasure was overwhelming his entire body, "shit, just fuck me harder." John pulled out, and repeated his actions again. They were both in complete rapture. John started to fuck Balthazar faster, hitting his prostate every other thrust. 

"Ah, shit," Balthazar was barely audible as John fucked him long and hard. The exorcist picked up the demons legs and put them over his shoulders. He thrust in again, getting a different angle, and the demons mouth went in the shape of an 'o'. John's thrusts were hard, fast, and mindblowing. Balthazar felt his body get pushed back further onto the armrest, the couch springs sounded like they were to break very soon. While his vision blurred as his ass was being pounded hard, John's breath was ragged against his neck. Balthazar's arms hung on to the exorcist's neck as he panted. 

"Fuck, Bally," John said hotly as his cock hit Balthazar's prostate dead-on, the demon's breath was coming faster and faster, "I'm almost there..., " his body was shaking and Balthazar's head dropped back and his breath shuddered out of him. "So.. fucking.. close. "

Balthazar's mind was reeling. John had sped up his thrusts, his body moving frantically against the demon's, sweat glistening and pants echoing each other. Suddenly Balthazar was fucking himself against John's cock, causing the exorcist to gasp, his orgasm approaching rapidly. 

"I'm... fuck yes, shit!" John grunted out his orgasm and kept thrusting hard into the demon below him. Balthazar's eyes opened as he felt John's come enter him in hot spurts, filling his ass to it's fullest.

"Oh, god," the demon rasped as his own orgasm shook his body, his own come erupting and falling against their chests. John fell on Balthazar's chest, and tried to regain his breath. He pulled himself out finally and sat down, breath back to normal and his head going to his hands. Balthazar's own breath was back, and he tilted his head to the side, his brown curls covering an eye. A smirk formed and he chuckled slightly.

"What now? " John turned his face to look at him.

"Oh, nothing, " the demon said, turning his face to John, " just thought of something. "

"Like? " John asked drowsily, too sated to care. The smirk was still there, mischievous and pure Balthazar.

"Like, " the demon repeated, "how fucking good it was to hear you pant like a bitch in heat. That," John glared at him, " and the fact that I realized that you were..." John waited, now sitting back and arms crossed, " goddamned bloody good at sex." John's eyebrows went up in amusement.

"Really?"

"No, I'm lying. " he said, nodding sarcastically. John glared at him. 

"You know, I could seriously send you- " 

"Johnny," Balthazar's form had sat up and now his finger lingered on John's lips, "cut the exorcist shit. I just had your cock up my ass. Doesn't that warrant you to shut up about sending me back? "

John thought about it. He sort of had a point. John removed the demon's finger from his lip and forced his mouth on Balthazar's. They pulled away, foreheads resting against the other's.

"Better? " John asked, his voice deep and making the demon's lower regions stir slightly again.

"Mmm, " he replied, pulling away. Balthazar shakingly stood, taking the blanket that was draped on the top of the couch and wrapped it around himself.

"I think maybe we should talk more about this, " John smiled and looked over the demon's body with predatory eyes, "in the bedroom." John stood, not bothering to cover his nude body and pulled the blanket away. His hand ghosted over Balthazar's toned abdomen, finger grazing the spot on his chest that he marked.

" Yeah, " he said back, " good idea. " Balthazar smiled. Maybe destroying John was the best plan Lucifer ever had, even though it had backfired.

Completely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Balthazar's lips moved against John's as they stumbled their way to the bedroom. Not wasting anymore time John forcefully kissed the demon into incoherency. Now they were well on their way to their second tumble when Balthazar was pushed back on the bed.

" Mm, " he moaned, their lips gliding and parting, " wait, " he panted against John's mouth. He put his hands against John's chest but John pushed them back to where they were. He wasn't going to let Balthazar stop, not now, not when he was hard and ready to go again. John's mouth moved down to the demon's neck, sucking, nibbling, then up to his ear. Balthazar gasped. John was licking the outer shell of his ear, then his tounge had taken the lobe into his hot mouth. The action caused Balthazar to melt, his nude body laying back subconciously. The room felt like it had risen another 90 degrees, the exorcist now on top of him, their bodies pressing against another. John slid further down, letting Balthazar's hands run through his hair. He started licking, almost desperately, almost wanting to memorize how the demon tasted and remember where he marked him. He mapped out places with his tounge stopping at his hip, then dipping his tounge in the navel, kissing down the stomach feverishly.

" Can't get enough of this, " he whispered, rubbing his cheek against the demon's lower abdomen, eliciting a shudder from the body beneath his, " can't get enough of you. " Balthazar pulled John up and kissed him, a kiss that clearly said he was impatient.

" No more teasing, Johnny " he growled pulling away, then softly pushed John away and scooted himself back into the pillows. The exorcist watched in amusement as the demon got comfortable. He finally rested back on his elbows, spreading his legs apart slightly, showing off the tight muscles and the tanned glowing skin, looking good enough to lick. John's throat felt constricted and dry. Balthazar's curls hung down, again covering an eye which made his whole face seem more attractive if that was possible. His eyes were a dark brown, a red gleam shining only a little, his lusty gaze falling on John's body and a smile that nearly made John come right there. The exorcist felt it was time to leave sanity and reason to Hell, and pounced on Balthazar. The demon's legs wrapped itself around John's body and he ground his hips up to meet the other's. John moaned, grinding down and meeting thrusts that were given back. Their cocks slid against another and Balthazar's hand shakily reached back and rubbed sensually against John's tattoo. John bit back a moan and moved his body tighter against the demon's. He pulled away and spread Balthazar's legs quickly, now joining in the demon's impatience.

John reached to the other drawer and pulled a tube of lube out, unscrewing the cap and pouring a good amount on his fingers then slicking his cock up, biting his lip in order to keep from coming. Balthazar's hand was on his own, which made it all the more hotter. John moved his hand away and got to his knees, wrapping Balthazar's legs around his pale body, moving over him and letting his breath fall upon the demon's neck. He positioned his member against the pulsing hole, then guided the head into the tight channel; Balthazar gasped letting his head fall back on the pillows, John groaning and pushing even farther into him.

" John, " the demon whispered hotly into his ear, " let me... " John's half-lidded eyes opened and saw Balthazar bite his lip, maybe wondering if he should continue.

" Yes? " John said, his voice slightly wavering. He knew if he didn't thrust into the body beneath him he would implode spontaneously. Balthazar's eyes glinted with lust and the exorcist groaned inwardly.

" Let me.. " he panted, " ride you. " John's eyes widened, realizing the closeness Balthazar's lips had been to his ear, and shuddered at the words. " I want to ride you. Your _cock_, " he emphasized with a lick down the ear, " you pounding it into my ass, making me moan out your name, you panting out mine, " pausing he chuckled, " I'm just full of good ideas, huh Johnny? " John's eyes had closed again, his blood rushing even faster to his groin. Balthazar thrusted up softly, trying to get the exorcist's attention. John made a noise in his throat and pushed all the way into the demon, causing them both to intake a breath loudly. Then Balthazar was pushing against him, wasting no time in getting exactly what he wants. He managed to push himself off of John's cock, which made him hiss out slightly in pain. He felt John lie down, in a similar position to where he was. Resting on elbows, legs bent at the knees, a stare that shot straight to the demon's cock and a smile to match it. Balthazar shivered at the look, now feeling vulnerable. ' No matter, ' he thought, ' this is what I want and this is what I'll have. ' He gave the exorcist a curved sensual smirk, crawling over to him, hovering over his face, then capturing the lips with his teeth, biting and sucking. He felt it. A shudder ran through John's body, but nonetheless his hands went to the demon's head, kissing him heatedly back. It was a kiss of sex; uninhibited, lusty, and desperate. Before it got out of hand, the demon pulled away, hesitating at the lips, his breath caressing John's mouth.

" Time for the ride of your life, darling " he murmured. John's eyes closed, hearing the demon's words strike him like hot oil. Balthazar turned his body around, lifting himself on his knees, then looking back saw where he should be positioning himself. John watched the demon, his breathing impatient. Balthazar had placed his hands on either side of John and slowly let himself down, suddenly feeling the head of John's cock push itself into him. He gasped, eyebrows arching slightly in pain and pleasure.

" Oh, _fuck_, " John's head fell back and his hands gripped the sheets; there wasn't anything hotter than what he opened his eyes to see. Balthazar bit his lip and continued to sit down until he was finally filled up with the exorcist's cock. He shut his eyes and tried to adjust, when he felt John grind his hips up softly.

" Jesus Christ, John, " he whispered. John had hit his spot faintly, and the demon panted, heat enveloping his entire body. " Just.. God, let me.. get used to it first. You're bloody huge, you know. " John softly chuckled through half-lidded eyes.

" Sorry, let me know when- " Balthazar lifted himself up then sat back down hard against him, he groaned " shit, Bally. Do that.. " he panted, " again. " He didn't have to see the demon's face to know he was smirking.

" Mm, yes, " Balthazar had adjusted and had tried to see if his plan would work the way he wanted it to. Seems like it did. His mind was struck again with a thought. Smiling, he lifted himself up, then turning his body, he sat down. Now he was looking straight into the exorcist's face. It was abso-fucking-lutely beautiful. John's forehead and chest glistened in sweat, eyes glazed over in lust, black hair loose against his forehead, his mouth open, panting only slightly, and his hands were now on the demon's hips, holding him tightly there.

" Don't ever, " he rasped to the demon, " do that without warning me first. Got it? " Balthazar smiled, then rolled his hips in response. John moaned his approval. Now that was goddamned hot. The demon lifted himself up, then sat back down. He felt the exorcist's cock hit his spot dead-on after three more times and he saw stars. It was the best thing he had ever felt. Gasping he started fucking himself hard on the exorcist, both of them suffocating in heat and pleasure. John held the demon's hips, trying his hardest not to pound so hard into him but at the same time he held his grip tight. His eyes rolled back, feeling the bed springs underneath bounce and the demon moaning his name out and cursing under his breath.

" God, oh _yes_, " Balthazar was too incoherent to know what he was saying or thinking anymore, all he wanted was to come and John too, " bloody hell, John, " he said huskily, bouncing on the exorcist's lap while John was grunting and groaning out, " fuck me, Bally. " The demon's body glistened in sweat, his breath coming in short intakes, his mouth ajar and profanities spilling out. John gripped the demon's hips harder and started to thrust into him even harder. John's mouth hung open, his body taking over and fucking Balthazar. It seemed there were no words, well no real coherent words.

" Make me, " Balthazar's words were almost inaudible, his body moving frantically, " come. _Shit_, John, make me fucking come for you. "

" God, " his cock was being impaled upon faster and faster, his fingers held tightly to the hips on him, " yes, come for me. Bally, come for me baby. "

" Oh shit, fuck yeah, " Balthazar lost control, feeling his orgasm rapidly approaching, his ass was being pounded so hard and his pleasure spot being hit every single time, " I'm coming for you... now.. shit " John panted, feeling his own orgasm coming in fast. He thrusted up into the demon, moaning out " baby, come for me. " Balthazar's mouth opened in a silent scream, then he groaned brokenly, his come falling against him. He was in a lusted daze but continued to moan and fuck himself against the exorcist's cock. John felt Balthazar's tight passage start to milk him, his breath was coming in faster, and his cock continued pounding into the demon.

" _Fuck _yes, Bally " he grunted out and he thrusted one last time into Balthazar, the demon moaned as he felt John empty himself completely. Balthazar lifted himself off of the exorcist's lap, wincing slightly then laying back against the pillows where John was still getting his heart back to normal level. He sighed absentmindedly. John glanced at him.

" What? " he asked. He hated not knowing what that half-breed was thinking. Balthazar just smiled, and closed his eyes.

" Nothing, John. Don't worry your pretty little head about it. " he waved it off and turned over to face the other side. John exhaled the breath he held.

" No, seriously, " he said persistently resting his weight on an elbow, " tell me. " Balthazar turned back around, and for a second John thinks he's going to reply with some threat or sarcasm dripping in that annoying British asshole demeanor, but he was met with something else. Balthazar moved his head closer and closer until he captured John's lips with his own. John was too surprised to protest so he kissed him back, just as slow and long. The demon's tounge snaked it's way into his mouth and they kissed passionately for what seemed like minutes. The demon pulled away, gazing at the confusion and amusement in John's face. Chuckling he turned back around.

" Like I said, " he murmured closing his eyes, " it's nothing. " John stared at the demon's back, admiring the back muscles strain as Balthazar found a comfortable position. He sighed. This was going to be very interesting. He laid down on his own side. He couldn't help but wonder if he should just turn back around and kiss the demon again. With as much softness and lips as Balthazar gave. ' Shit, ' he thought, shifting into his own comfort spot, ' what have I gotten myself into.. '

The moon shone into the room, shadows of the surrounding apartment complexs' flickering against the blinds, and distant car noises were faintly honking and beeping. Balthazar stirred, his eyes slowly opening, then noticing he was under bed covers his eyes opened completely. His eyes scanned the room he was in, and as he was about to get up he felt a pair of arms around his waist holding protectively. His mind raced and his heart started beating. _Who was it? I can't remember. What happened, _his mind started to race with questions he wasn't sure should be answered, _ Bed? Did I..? John... Shit... Fuck. _Balthazar's eyes closed in realization. Everything started flooding back like a dam that had broken. And it had broken... completely. Memories came in pairs. First John being pissed off that he had broken into his apartment, then yelling as always, then he had pissed off the demon, Balthazar pinning him down, John kissing him, him kissing the exorcist back, a flash of John's bare back straining against him, his moans of surprise and pleasure, then doing it all over again in... his bed.

Balthazar mentally kicked himself. How could that have happened in that short amount of time? Of course he knew how but, it had been so spontaneous and wonderful and to be honest he had never felt that way about sex with _anyone_ much less a human. He remembered how rough John had been, and the anger put into their kisses, touches flaming his skin; he had been turned on in ways he never thought he would when the exorcist had his way with him. _Twice_. His eyes closed again. How could he have been so weak when it came down to John and the hold he had on him? Balthazar remembered the confession John had made.

_"_ _Then you'll know that I want you, " the exorcist's voice came out lust-filled, " all this time, I've known it, maybe never wanted to admit it, but I do. Fuck, I do_. "

The demon's eyes opened. John Constantine always wanted him. His enemy. His nemesis. The person he'd most want to destroy. But now, that had all changed. They fucked. Well, twice. Suddenly John made a 'hm' noise, probably meaning he was also stirring. Balthazar held his breath as the exorcist got comfortable, letting his left hand trail down the demon's chest, then lower toward... Balthazar bit his lip. John started to stroke his cock under the blanket, the demon's eyes rolling back in sudden pleasure. _Why is he doing this to me_, he thought, then John had stopped his ministrations abruptly and went back to sleep, his breath resting on Balthazar's neck. The demon sighed in relief, and decided now was the time to get out from the exorcist's embrace. There was no telling what else he could to him if he stayed in the bed any longer. As he slowly slid inch by inch out from John's arms, Balthazar wanted to sigh loudly in frustration. He was comfortable and warm under those thick covers and clean sheets that made up John's wickedly delicious bed. And now he had to get up from his position and decide what he was going to do next. His feet touched the cream-colored carpet first, his toes flexing and savoring the soft feel of it. Then sliding under John's arms he stood upright next to the bed, glancing at the exorcist's sleeping form. Balthazar's face crinkled in amusement. John's arm was hanging off the side, his mouth open slightly and a light snore was coming out. His hair was messy and black, covering half an eye, his face looking stressed as always. The demon admired John's face; his eyebrows were together as if many thoughts ran them, his eyes shut tight in the same tense state, and that's when Balthazar felt it. Sympathy overwhelmed him. He never noticed how much John sacraficed for the good of humanity.

It was always John doing the right thing, and him just being the asshole he was paid to be. All the while rattling everyone else's cages, especially Constantine's. It all started when they were both teenagers. John had been seeing the dead and evil since he had been a boy, and when he was 17 he had decided to try to end his life. Seeing as though suicide never went too well with the "big guy upstairs", Lucifer had sent one of his own to retrieve the teen's soul. He chose Balthazar, the new arrival who had also committed suicide at 16. He was in deep depression over the death of his father and mother. Balthazar's eyes closed slightly. The memories were still there...

_" Hutchinson? " the man called out in the isolated police room. The teen had been crying. He glanced up, his face red and worn with sadness. _

_" Yes, " he said. The man looked at him, his own face in obvious worry and sympathy. _

_" Son, come with us " the man motioned to a small room in the back. Balthazar followed with his head down, the brown curls falling over his face as was its habit. With a click of the door, the officer shuffled around getting a folder which looked to be one of certain cases. Balthazar glanced around, noticing the bareness of it all. The white walls, a doctor's office looking couch against one of them, a table in the center, chairs that were so comfortable they were uncomfortable (if that makes sense), and one window. He noticed the damp misty air hitting the glass, and hearing the London streets rushing with cars. _

_" Will you be alright? " Balthazar's attention was brought back to the officer, who was now sitting down, the same worried look on his face. He smiled weakly and shrugged. _

_" ... Eventually. " he said, and the man nodded, taking out the large envelope labeled 'Murder Cases: Multiple Deaths'. His eyes widened and his throat had dried instantaneously..._

_" This isn't going to be easy to say, so I won't prolong it, " the man shifted uncomfortably, and Balthazar looked at him. " Your parents they.. " He remembered nodding and letting tears fall, the man asking him if he would be alright again, then he left in a hurry, in a hurry to his flat. Balthazar decided life would never be the same. He had no one. No one wanted him. He wanted to end his life. And he did... _

" Hey. " Balthazar jumped in surprise, looking down at John who had his hand on his arm, a sleepy look on his face and the blanket covering only his lower half.

" Hello, " he replied softly, he moved his arm away awkwardly. John studied his face.

" Are you okay? You look-"

" I'm fine. " he said sharply. John winced at the tone the demon gave him. Balthazar turned away. He had to leave and soon, before he regretted something. Balthazar's face glanced at the exorcist again, and he found the same slight hurt and confusion. He knew John wanted to say something to him but he could guess what it was. John might start asking questions, questions about what they had done, and why. 'I shouldn't stay any longer', he thought, 'this wasn't supposed to happen.' Balthazar walked to the bathroom, noticing John looking back up at him, his serious face returning and an 'I know' look gracing his usual tense features. For a moment he wanted to explain. Explain everything, and talk about what happened between them. But as always, he ran away from his fears. And that especially included confronting John.

The demon walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind him. He found a black robe that hung on the door and shrugged it on then looking into the mirror, he noticed his dishelved hair and not its usual slicked back style. His curls now were out of their usual place, his eyes had been dialated and now were returning to their usual brown color, the bright light fading more and more as he analyzed his face. He noticed a pale flush creep out from his tan skin; his body was changing back now that him and John's "play-time" was over. Balthazar noticed whenever he had sex his body would react as any humans would, except for the fact that his body changes back to normal faster. When he got the chance to fuck prostitutes, whores, models, or any woman that would have him, he'd be an animal, and the second the disgusting female would sleep he'd change back. Clean, no love marks, still sated, but nothing. He was back to being the good-looking bastard Lucifer recruited that day he...

" Balthazar? " the voice asked on the other side. The demon looked at the door, already hating the fact that he had stayed this long. " Look, " John sighed, it sounded like he shifted and maybe even closed his eyes in thought, " can we... can we talk? " Balthazar's hands had been resting on the sink but as he heard the exorcists plea, he lifted his slouched form and glanced to the direction of the exorcists voice. 'Why are you doing this?' the demon thought, a frown creeping on his face.

" I know what you're thinking. Well, maybe not, but... " he waited again, not wanting to but he did nonetheless, " I'm not good at this. This, " Balthazar could hear the struggle John had with talking to him, " intimacy thing. " John had scoffed softly. " Listen to me fucking talk, I sound like an ass which I'm not but - no, I mean, " John sighed in frustration. Balthazar smiled softly. 'He is a bloody wanker is what he is,' he thought. " Please, " there was that voice again, " I feel like an idiot talking to myself here. Just... talk to me. " The demon's smile faded only a little. It was hard enough to start to have these flashbacks of the day he officially gave himself over to Lu, and now to have John act all worried and shit wasn't helping either. But Balthazar decided to get over himself, because to be honest he would never act this way with one of his old flames. Or whatever they were called. He let himself walk over to the door and open it. John had walked back to the bed and sat with his head in hands. Balthazar stopped at the doorway. Seeing John like that, made him want to leave now and make it easier on both of them. But he knew as soon as Lucifer found out what happened between them, he'd get a one-way ticket to Hell. The choices he was faced with were almost lose/lose. If he stayed, who knew what they would talk about. _A relationship? Would it ever be the same wicked cat-mouse game they'd been playing for years? Would it change for the bad? The good? _But if he left, Lu would certainly have his way with him._ Punishment, eternal pain. _The demon sighed, making John look up.

" Hey, you're out." his face showed obvious relief. Balthazar forced a smile, noticing John had put on one of his white dress shirts and some boxers, not even bothering to button up his shirt which showed a good amount of his chest. _Why did he have to look so fucking good all the time?_ the demon thought . His thoughts were interrupted when John cleared his throat. " So, do you want to...talk about it? " The demon shifted from one foot to the other. " You seemed upset about something when you-"

" It was nothing, " Balthazar forced himself to speak, his voice coming out softer than he would've liked, " just... " he sighed, this was going to be hard, " Look, " the exorcist looked to him like he had been waiting for him to speak for hours, " this isn't going to be easy for me either. Earlier that was just... " John's face looked like he wanted to say something. " It was just me thinking about some stuff, it wasn't anything serious. " John looked a little more relieved. Or so he guessed.

" Well, okay. " The demon nodded, glancing at the floor then at the window. _'Now,'_ his internal demon urged, _'do it now.' _Balthazar sighed. Maybe if he left now Lu would be easier on him. If that were even possible.

" John, " the demon said softly, " I'm gonna go. " John's face, which was usually the most serious thing the demon could point out in a crowd, now looked at him confused.

" Wait, what do you mean 'go'? "he asked. Balthazar sighed again. " I thought we were going to talk about this. " He motioned between them and Balthazar clenched his jaw.

" I can't, " he answered meeting the exorcist's eyes, " this.. " he mocked the exorcist's motions with his hand, " I just can't. I won't. " John clenched his own jaw in frustration.

" So you're going to run away in fear, is that it? " The demon looked to the ceiling, already knowing where this was going . " Well. Fine then. " John stood up and walked to his drawer where he had left a cigarette burning. He had probably lit it before he tried to get the demon out of the bathroom. He took a drag, and sitting down he exhaled the long puff of smoke. " Go. " Balthazar looked at the exorcist, noticing his back straining everytime he took another puff. He could tell John was angry, maybe even disappointed. The demon frowned and shook his head.

" Okay. " he replied. John didn't look back at him. He just sat there, smoking. " Maybe this was a mistake, " he said again, then he walked to the bathroom to change. John exhaled the smoke he had held in when Balthazar left the room. It was minutes when the demon returned, and John didn't acknowledge him still. " Goodbye, John. " And with that last bitter phrase spat, the demon turned and left. Then the door shut, along with John's eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

" You're late, " the man said eyeing the demon closely, and Balthazar looked up at him while trying to sit down.

" I know, " he put his hand up in defense, " was late getting here. Traffic, and all. " The man nodded, then turning his head motioned for the waiter to come over. The restaurant buzzed with noise, mostly conversation between couples, families lightly laughing, the candelight casting a golden glow on the white linen tablecloths, and a fiddle playing softly. The waiter handed two menus to the demon and the man, who was dressed in a what looked to be a white Armani suit, complete with a red tie and white dress shirt, and white pants matching the shoes. If it wasn't for the evil crooked smirk on the man's face, and those eyes that seemed to look straight through to your soul where sins were kept, you wouldn't even guess it was Satan himself.

" Thanks, " Lu replied when a waiter set two glasses of water to start them off, and as the waiter walked away the devil turned to look at the waiter's behind just as it was heading back to the kitchen. Balthazar could feel the bile already rise. Lucifer turned around and smiled knowingly. " Can't resist a great ass. " Balthazar nodded quickly, obliging him at least this once. The devil laughed opening his menu, then looked over at the demon. " Tell me. " Balthazar looked up from his menu, curiously staring back.

" What? Oh, " he said in realization and Lucifer put down his menu, looking excited. He propped his feet on the unoccupied seat next to him, and gestured for the demon to speak.

" Tell me... _everything_, " the word slipped off his tounge like poison, Balthazar's eyes flinching only slightly. He _knew _he had to decieve Lu. Shaking off his nervousness, a smile formed on his lips. _Here goes nothing_, he thought.

" It went well, " Lucifer's eyebrows went up in surprise, " I suppose he didn't fight it. Went according to your plan, Master " he said, as convincing as he possibly could. Lucifer was practically jumping for joy when he heard this.

Balthazar cringed internally. Lying to Lucifer was never an option, but he figured he would have to considering he didn't go through with anything the devil had told him to do. Lu clapped his hands exictedly, " You're telling me everything I wanna hear, man. " Balthazar smiled visciously and nodded.

" I never want to fail you again, I swear to you. What happened with everything else, " he motioned with his hands around him, " it's gone. He's gone. " The devil smiled gleefully again, enjoying every confession of the exorcist's death as much as he enjoyed pain. " Now, " the demon, looked at him expectantly, " about my reward. " Lu's smile faded and the waiter put down a basket of hot rolls in front of them then left. Lu's gaze stared down the demon's and Balthazar felt stuck, but knowing the devil liked confidence and attitude, he looked back defiantly. A look that could be interpreted as 'you heard what I said.' Lu finally cast his eyes to the table, and then to Balthazar.

" _Man_, " he rasped, in that slanted jagged voice of his, " you really think I'm gonna give you time on earth to do whatever the _fuck_ you want to do? " he leaned in so close Balthazar thought he was going to smack him. The devilish smile returned. " How about this, " he leaned back into his chair, but not before he took the candle from the holder off the table and held it loosely, " you and me can go back to our shit-hole down South, " he used his free hand to point downward, knowing his pun all too well, " and you can forget ever wanting to be up here in this cold, " his face crinkled at his temples, " disgusting place. " Balthazar frowned and felt his eyes glow in anger. So now he was backing out of his promise? This was too much for him to deal with. Only a week earlier he had walked out on John, leaving him in that apartment, leaving him to his thoughts, of probably him and the demon fucking on his couch, then on his bed. And then of him walking out on John, his fear making him run away from the person that he never wanted to intentionally hurt in the first place.

Balthazar's jaw clenched. _What had he done? Was this the right decision? Was he to live in Hell forever?_

Lucifer lept forward in his chair so far that the silverware clattered; he grabbed Balthazar's wrist and held it down to the table. The demon struggled, straining angrily against the devil's smirk and tight hold.

" What the fuck are you doing? " the demon snarled, and Lu just giggled.

" That's _exactly_ the attitude I want from you, sweetcheeks, " the devil's voice was harsh and his smile seemed endless. Balthazar fixed his eyes on Lucifer as he hovered the candle over the demon's wrist. Laughing at his reaction, he started tipping the candle over, letting a drop of hot wax drip on the demon's many scars that he had due to his suicide. Balthazar hissed slightly, then growled.

" Get off of me! " he muttered harshly.

" Mm, " Lu's grin spread and he tipped the candle completely so the flame was struggling to stay up, and all of the wax was dripping on the demon's arm. Balthazar's eyes closed in pain while his jaw set in anger. " You will go with me, " the devil continued, even though the demon wasn't even paying attention, " and I don't think I'm going to change my mind about it. " Then he stopped and put the candle down just as Balthazar's eyes opened in pain and in anger. _'I wish he'd stop smiling that bloody smile already, ' _he thought while trying to tear his wrist away. Lucifer made a deep noise in the back of his throat, a rumbling sound, leading into a gaze that stopped the demon's strains.

" You want me to just forget we had a _fucking_ deal, you bastard? " Balthazar growled as low as he could without drawing too much attention to himself, even though a few people who were immersed in conversation turned to look at them then resumed their chatter, " go to Hell. " Lucifer laughed at the demon's attempt at humor and then felt the demon tear his wrist away from his grip.

" Don't you know who you're dealing with, sugar? " he murmured, and with that and a wink he disappeared. Balthazar's breath caught in his throat, noticing he was alone. The restaurant was still chattering, the music still hanging in the atmosphere, but even now the waiter who served them was gone. He looked around him, then exhaling a long breath he ran his hand through his hair, thinking to himself that he needed to get out of there and fast. If he wasted anymore time Lu could be back and see that he had escaped. What made him angry was that he was actually going to go through with killing John. _How could I?_, he thought dismally. Balthazar fought the urge to punch something and got up. But before he could even begin to walk away, he saw a bill appear out of nowhere, showing the amount of money he owed for a nonexistant dinner he and the devil had. Underneath it, the words _'I know.' _Balthazar's eyes dialated; did he actually find out about him and John?_ 'I'll be coming back up for you in a week. And for your exorcist. Get ready. It'll be soon enough, sweets.' _The demon picked the note up and crumpling it tossed it to the side. Nervously he looked around for another sign but saw none. Picking up his coat he briskly put it on, not noticing if anyone saw what had happened. Balthazar walked to the front of the restaurant then opened the door and walked out. He exhaled the breath he held since reading the note. A week to figure out what he was going to do about John wasn't enough. He stood at the edge of the sidewalk, waiting for a cab to stop.

" Where to, buddy? " the driver asked as Balthazar sat down and shut the door behind him. He shrugged. Going to his lavish apartment seemed so inappropriate, and going to see John would be even more awkward. Balthazar needed time to think about his plan of action, and so shrugging was the only answer his mind could process.

" Wherever it is, " he said, casting his eyes to the streetlight, " make it fast. " The driver nodded, and pulled the lever then drove as fast as he could down the busy street. The demon sighed to himself.

_I'm screwed. _

---------

" John? Are you even listening to me? "

Constantine had been staring at a spot on the worn wooden table, his thoughts on something else, but his eyes shot up to the young man in front of him. A smile cracked on his lips.

" Sorry, Chas " he apologized, he exhaled, " been a long week. You know how it is. " Chas, now an angel which now had his wings tucked behind him and also dressed in normal clothes, gave him a curious look.

" No, I don't think I do, boss. " Chas smiled and crossed his arms. John smiled lightly. Chas never stopped calling him that and it never got old. Not even once.

" Don't angels know everything or something? " John reached for his lighter as he stuck a cancer stick in his mouth, " I know God's been holding all the little secrets up there. I'm surprised he hasn't leaked anything on me yet. " The cigarette lit up, casted a slight glow on John's face, then faded out.

" Nah, " Chas shrugged, " we don't hear much. Unless you're like, God's right hand man. " John's eyebrow lifted in rememberence to Gabriel, removing the cig and exhaling a breath of smoke. Chas made a weird face, then shrugged again. " C'mon, " he smiled, " tell me. Weird ass exorcisms, maybe? " he asked and pointed at him as if to emphasize some point. John exhaled again, shaking his head in a 'no-comment' manner. Chas sighed.

" Whatever, John, " he put his hands up in defeat, " just don't doze off on me again. I might need to use my power to bring God down and kick some major exorcist ass if you ignore me one more time, " he smirked. He laughed when Constantine tried to swat him over the head. They went back to their conversation, only stopping to laugh occassionaly and drink their coffee. John still found Chas' weekly visits refreshing. After all of the "holy" work he performed, after all of the demons he met and removed, after the crucifixes were burned and destroyed, Chas would swoop down. Most of the time it was unexpected, but then again John could always sense it would be soon. Usually the young angel would come down after seeing the exorcist have an emotional block. He never told John that was why he made only a few visits a month, but John knew not to say he knew the reason behind it. After awhile of catching up, Chas had to go.

" Good seeing you, boss. " Chas pulled him into a soft embrace. The exorcist smiled into the hug, then pulled away.

" Take care of yourself, Chas " John said. The angel smiled back. He looked briefly at the door, then nodding he swept up, wings gliding back then with a push of air was gone.

John sat down, focusing back on the spot earlier. In the back of his mind he knew the look on Chas' face was a knowing one, but he chose to ignore it. It was going to be obvious soon anyway and -

_Knock, knock, knock._

A sigh escaped, along with a muttered _fuck_. John got up, putting out the cig he lit just before Chas left. He walked to the door and opened it, half expecting some holy sign of Jesus Christ Himself. But life never seemed to be that lucky anyways.

" Hey.. "

John blinked.

" I know this is weird, me coming here after months and.. " John waited, then crossed his arms. " Well, I thought I'd try to talk to you. So, can we? "

" Can we what? "

" You know, talk. " She shuffled, moving her weight to the other foot. He noticed her arms crossed and her hand pulling her hair out of her face in a nervous habit. He wanted to smack himself. _Chas, you could've fucking warned me about this._ She cleared her throat, and he knew that this wasn't some inappropriate, unnecessary joke the Great Ones upstairs were trying to pull. He opened his door all the way and let her in, the least he could do for her. Her. The one person responsible for at least half the despair he had been holding in for the last five months. It was simple really. They had tried to attempt a semi-normal relationship for awhile. The whole 'I'm going out for a drive you want me to bring you something back' kind of thing. It was good. At least he thought it was. But then it was getting to be... well, John still to this day didn't know what happened. It could've been the days he'd come home and see her there, sitting. She had the look on her face. The look that he knew from everyone else he thought would be _the one_. _The one_. The one for_ him._

_" John, " she tried to explain it to him, tears were threatening to spill from her eyes and he looked away, " it's always you and your job, and the fact is that I can't always be included in that! " His eyes closed and he couldn't look at her. He knew there would be rejection and sadness written plainly on her features and he just wasn't ready for it. He could hear her voice waver as she spoke. _

_" You have to understand. " He nodded, and he did. He understood it all. She was the type that was just like the rest. Wanting everything out of him at all times without him having to do his job. She knew, just knew, that he had to do all the work he had to do in order to gain his right to Heaven. He tapped his foot, then darted his gaze to her. He saw her tears roll down, and her mouth curved downward in sadness. Something wet dropped from his own eyes and he wiped at them. _

_" John.. " He heard her whisper but he just stared at his hand, feeling the tear drying on his index finger and thumb. This was it. John Constantine was finally feeling. He hadn't cried in front of someone in years, even his parents. Though they rarely visited after knowing that he had turned his life into exorcisms and things of that nature. They never fully understood why he did what he did, and he wasn't about to explain it either. How could he? It would be a waste of his time. _

_" I know this is hard. " He wanted to scoff at her sympathy. " But, we'll get throught this. " He sniffed. " Are you even listening to me? " she reached to touch his arm but he pulled away. _

_" Just, " her eyes stilled themselves at his voice, " leave. Can you do that for me? At least? " he looked at her and his eyes seemed to react on thier own. Tears were freely running down his face and his hand went to wipe his eyes again. She opened her mouth to say something else but he cut her off before anything else hurt him even more. _

_" Angela. " She stopped. " Leave. Me. Alone. " He turned around and shut his eyes. He willed himself not to talk to her anymore, then he waited for the sound of the door to fill the house. There was only a sniffle, and a shuffle of feet. Then keys jingling, probably in her hand. _

_" I'm sorry... John. I loved you. " He shook his head. " I... well. Goodbye. " Then she was gone. _

_John had kicked chairs. And the table was overturned and dishes were thrown and his screams of sadness echoed just like he knew they would. He collapsed on his bed, a sob choking in his throat. His eyes were reacting against his will, and tears were hot against his cheeks. He knew that love would never work for him. Angela was one of many to turn their back on him. Support for what he did seemed to never be there, and it was never going to be. Until then, John wanted a relationship where his 'significant other' loved him and they showed it. _

_But when **he **walked into his life, he never knew what it felt like to be pissed off at the person you fucked into the wall. He knew it was strange to have a relationship with someone that evoked both emotions in him, but there was something comforting about it all. But it didn't matter anymore. At that moment, John dedicated his life to destroying everything that would be a distractor... and even he couldn't predict that the demon would be walking into his life again, never letting go of his thoughts. _

" John? "

The exorcist saw the curious look Angela gave him, and turned away.

" Can you make it quick? I have a meeting to go to. " He lied through his teeth, lighting a new cigarette and sitting at the table. He could feel her stare even though he couldn't see her face.

" Meeting? I didn't know- "

" Now you do, " he snapped. He pulled the cigarette away and exhaled angrily. _Get a fucking clue and leave me the fuck alone already_, he thought. She walked the few steps it took to the other side of the table; pulling the chair out she sat down slowly. Moments of silence followed, the only sound heard was the occasional exhale from John's lips.

" Well, " she started, her head was down, John couldn't tell if it was in shame or guilt, or even sadness if possible, then her head came up to look at him, " I wanted to see how you were doing. " John took the stick out, noticing the end glowing, then putting it out in the ashtray he looked at her.

" I'm fine. " He answered, not bothering to say anything else. She sighed, taking the obvious hint he was sending. And it was sure speaking volumes.

" That's good to hear, " she nodded. He looked at her again, thinking maybe if she looked at him long enough she could realize he wasn't into conversation at the moment. " So, how's life? Anything new going on with you? "

He shook his head.

" Same shit, different situations. Nothing but demons and putting them back to where they came from. " His eyes wandered back to the table. He'd oblige her this once, and if she mentioned anything about what happened five months ago again, he would tell her to go f-

" You know, I didn't really come here to just talk about that. John, " he knew what was coming but he looked at her anyways, " we need to talk about me and you. " His gaze never left her sad features.

" I don't think I can go into that right now, Angela. " Her face softened at his tone. Sure, he was pissed at her for the shit she caused, but it didn't mean that he stopped being hurt over it. " Maybe you should just go now. Save us a lot of fucking torture. " He stood up meaning to go to his room but she stood up with him.

" I didn't want to end up like this, " she looked at him, putting on the best sad face he's ever seen, and this time he did scoff.

" Right, " he looked at her, meeting her eyes disbelievingly, " just like you didn't want me to be hurt, " she shook her head, " yeah, I was hurt. Angela, " he put his hand up. Then exhaled. " I give up. " Her mouth opened, and tears streamed down. He knew that she believed him. " No, that's not right. I gave up five months ago. When you fucking left me alone. _That's_ when I gave up. "

" But you never let me expl- "

" Didn't you? " he asked, " I thought you made it perfectly clear. You wanted nothing to do with me. " He wanted to look away from her face. This was killing him softly, telling her exactly what he felt. It was inside of him for months, and now someone finally knew what he was thinking. " And now.. " she shook her head again, not wanting to hear the rest of it.

" John, but I- "

" Now I want nothing to do with you. "

Her mouth closed hearing his words. He hoped they struck a nerve, or five. Her tears were staining her cheeks, falling on her jacket.

" You won't even let me explain to you why I'm here? " she tearfully asked him. John smirked, shaking his own head.

" Angela, I'm done. _Done_ with you. Go. " He motioned to the door. " Get. The. Fuck. Out. " She looked at him, her mouth ajar upon hearing the cursed words he flung at her.

" At least I know that I made the right choice. " She sounded bitter. And he didn't care whatsoever. Angela stood there shell-shocked, and exhaled disbelievingly. " You never stopped being the man that you always were. " John just turned from her again, not bothering to hide his evident smile. "Goodbye, John. " She strode out, the deafening crack of the door being slammed filling the house like a siren. John welcomed the noise as its thud faded out. He hoped to never see her again. Or at least until she planned another 'talk' in the future.

_Chas, _he thought gloomilylighting up another cigarette and walking to his room, _you could've said something. So, why?_ John changed into sweat pants and a t-shirt. He went into the bathroom and turned the water on, and gathering some soap and water, he washed quickly and toweled his face. Clambering into bed he turned on his side, reaching up and turning off the light. John pulled his sheets up, covering his whole body with warmth. He thought back, back when life was normal. When he didn't perform exorcisms, before demons would show up spontaneously on subways and buses, before cathedrals and priests, before Balthazar...

John sighed and turned again. He knew he would have to forget about the demon, no matter how much he wanted to get dressed and go search the city for him and tell him what he really felt. He didn't even know what that was but he knew it was eating him alive not knowing how Balthazar was doing and if he was back and...

" Get ahold of yourself, John, " he muttered, maybe talking to himself would get him to stop thinking like a woman would. He shifted and focused his thoughts on the next day. He would probably get dressed and drink his coffee, smoking up before getting in the beat up car he bought a week ago and visit the church. Maybe he'd get a new assignment. Maybe Chas would visit again. Even though John's mind raced with thoughts of tomorrow, his hand lingered and traced the sheets next to him. It was cold. It was without the body which was there a week ago.

John's hand stopped tracing the spot, and stopped thinking about tomorrow.

_I miss you,_ he whispered

TBC


End file.
